Just when it's about time

It's the last term of my undergraduate studies.

Just over dinner today, we were talking about our first year courses. About the bell ringer lab tests, about the activities we did in the labs. To look back now, I didn't really appreciate what I was doing. To me, education is a touch and go thing. I did it for the grades, I did it for my future, I did it because they told me that I need it. So when it was over and done with, I felt relieved.

And I felt that way for the following 3 and 1/2 years of university. Touch, then go. Without leaving any traces behind. When I was asked "How was school?", my answer would be, most of the time, "Great, but I can't wait to finish studies and graduate" and sometimes I would grumble a little on why I still have years to go through before I can graduate. I would be envious of people who are graduating soon and who are rejoicing over the few number of courses that they need to take for the term while I hurdled every course with difficulty and sometimes dragged myself through sleepless nights.

This went on for another few years.

Then at last, the very last year came. My final year - the year I have been anticipating forever.

Unlike many others who cannot wait to graduate as soon as possible, my heart began to sink everytime I think of graduation. After 4 long years I should maybe start planning a victory celebration for myself to mark the end of university life, to be finally free of my misery. But it just doesn't feel like celebrating anymore. Instead (and I know this sounds crazy), I started enjoying my classes. Every one of them. I remembered how I used to skip most of my classes in first year but now I long for Tuesdays and Thursdays (those are the only two days I have classes). Ironically, but true.

I LOVE SCHOOL!!

When people told me how envious they are that I only have two classes and that I am finally graduating and that they have years to go, I see myself in them and wondered if they will feel the same way I am feeling now or maybe it's just me.

There's no time for regrets. Well, there is no need for regrets. Even though the term is ending in 3 months, these 3 months will be the best 3 months of my university life.

It's finally the time to face the truth. It's not easy giving up but I figured out the best way is to finally let it go because no matter how hard I try, I feel hurt deep inside.

They say friends are the best things to share with others. I acknowledged that and I tried. I am really happy that more people get to experience your laughter, share your moments, hear your stories and have meals with you. 

But lately I feel that we are drifting apart. I no longer know what is going on in your daily life, I started avoiding a little and eventually that became a habit. Like we were on two boats out in the ocean, slowly tossed by the wave and float in our separate ways. There were less common topic between us. I didn't know since when that happened. I tried to bridge the gap, but you were always not there. When I wanted so badly to talk to someone, you were never there.

From the pictures on facebook, I can see you have definitely moved on. You were no longer the person I used to know. You smiled a lot more genuinely in pictures without me. That hurt me a lot, no doubt. You probably won't know this feeling because you are always the social butterfly that flutters around while I am the one who always finds a quiet place in a crowd of strangers. 

We've drifted apart into somewhat different worlds. So close, and yet so far. I used to think that this saying was nonsense. How could it possibly make any sense? Now I couldn't find a reason to prove it wrong.

The reason I wrote this all out is because I want to have my feelings sorted. I don't want to dwell on it any longer. It burdens me so much and it's just wearing me out. I have to move on. Maybe, this is for the best. Maybe, I just like you a little too much. Maybe, ....

Thanks for being a great friend. I'll treasure all the memories we had previously and I sincerely wish you all the best. I know I'm going to be fine. After all, I did cope well 8 years ago, didn't I?

life of pi

Life of Pi was simply amazing. From the graphics to the plot, everything was beautifully pieced together.

Right before the movie, a friend of mine told me that the movie was not good and I was slightly disappointed by the remarks.

But I'm glad I went.

Few touching scenes and a few depressing scenes led to an awesome conclusion.

Some of my best quotes from the movie:

I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye 

Doubt is useful, it keeps faith a living thing. After all, you cannot know the strength of your faith until it is tested.  

It was a great way to start the new year and I learnt a lot from it.

Now I feel like buying the book!